“Most families where Jesus lived had at least one animal. Can you guess what animal that was? A donkey!”
“Really?” I thought.
Somewhat randomly, I had decided to find out what sort of lessons our church kids were learning in their classes. As I considered this so-called “Bible Lesson” about Jesus, I became both fascinated and amused. While I did not doubt that Jewish families in the early first century owned animals, the evidence indicates that poorer families could not afford horses or donkeys. The old story about Mary and Joseph traveling to Bethlehem on a donkey is pure fiction. The Bible never says anything about Mary and Joseph having a donkey after that either.
OK, I thought, so the authors embellished the truth a little for the sake of kids that can’t even read yet. What’s the harm? Maybe they will learn to love Jesus and grow up to study the Bible for themselves. But as I continued I began wondering if what I was reading had anything at all to do with the Bible. It certainly had little to do with the Jesus I had read about. But it was at least entertaining.
Even wild animals liked Jesus. A wild animal is one that lives outdoors and doesn’t have an owner. Squirrels started chattering when they saw Jesus, as if to say “Hello, Jesus!” Rabbits sat up on their haunches and wiggled their ears when He walked by. If Jesus saw a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest, He put it back. And the mama bird sang an even prettier song, as if to say “Thank You, Jesus.” Jesus liked to watch bugs, too. He liked to watch caterpillars, ants, and ladybugs. He let them crawl on His hand. He never stepped on them. … Jesus never destroyed flowers or grass. He never littered. He was gentle to the earth.
I started to laugh. This was the Disney eco-friendly version of Jesus! Jesus meets Snow White with a little of the Lion King thrown in. For closing song let’s all sing “Hakuna matata!” Except the Lion King is a little too brutal for this Jesus since plants and animals actually die in that circle of life thing. In contrast our kindergarteners were about to learn about a Jesus who never let anything bad happen to anything. This was a kinder, gentler world than even Disney could invent.
So, Jesus never stepped on a nasty insect or damaged the grass? Maybe that’s not a bad thing to say in a children’s class, although it makes me wonder if this Jesus would have a problem using a little insect killer when necessary. The part about rescuing a baby bird at least reflects a teaching of Jesus involving sparrows (Matt. 10:29). But besides the fact that the whole lesson sounds just plain silly and would likely put the kids to sleep, the notion that Jesus would take eco-consciousness to a ridiculous extreme is anything but biblical. According to his Jewish upbringing Jesus would have regarded some insects as detestable and others as ok to eat! (See Lev. 11:20-23.) And grass, although good in its own way, was often destined to be burned (Matt. 6:30). As for the wild animals chattering, wiggling and singing around Jesus, well, at least Snow White would understand.
People have been creating Jesus fiction for a long time. In the middle of the second century CE a document began circulating that purported to detail some of the activities of Jesus before he was 12 years old. This document, now known as The Infancy Gospel of Thomas (http://www.cygnus-study.com/pageinf.html) makes fascinating reading. But like our 21st century kindergarten lesson, one should not rely on it for factual information.
For example, The Infancy Gospel begins with Jesus at five years of age making pools of instantly pure water and fashioning clay into the shapes of birds. By the time he makes 12 clay sparrows some of the town’s folk are quite agitated. After all Jesus is playing in the mud on Sabbath and actually making things. After Joseph hears about it he finds Jesus and starts to reprimand him for breaking the Sabbath. But little Jesus claps his hands and shouts, “Be off, fly away, and remember me, you who are now alive!” And the clay birds come to life making a lot of noise as they fly away.
This second century version of the kindergarten lesson means well. Some anonymous authors put together what in their minds was a plausible account of what Jesus must have been like as a child. It is instructional material. That people thought the boy Jesus performed miracles for his own defense and amusement is not the worst of it. If you read the rest of the Infancy Gospel, you find that the boy Jesus is one big supernatural brat! His parents can’t control him; after all, he has a god complex that excuses him from any sort of instruction or discipline. Even a good rabbi can’t teach him anything. And the boy Jesus, according to this account, gets angry a lot. And when he gets angry he takes it out on whoever provokes him, usually with lethal results.
A boy runs through the village accidentally bumping into Jesus. Jesus then curses the boy who falls down and dies. So, the town’s folk, understandably upset, tell Mary and Joseph, “Because you have such a boy, you can’t live with us in the village, or else teach him to bless and not curse. He’s killing our children!” When Jesus hears about it he causes his accusers to go blind. So much for turning the other cheek.
We may not learn anything about what Jesus was actually like in such an account. But we learn a great deal about the authors. They thought, among other things, that Jesus was the type of person who would kill you if you irritated him. This undoubtedly reflected their view of God’s character. Like Father, like Son, was probably the way they thought of it. So, it seemed quite natural to create a fiction about Jesus’ life that they understood to tell the truth.
Fictions are not created equal, of course. If I have to choose, I’ll take our kindergarten version of Jesus over the miracle-working menace of the Infancy Gospel any day. On the other hand, I’m not sure the opposite extreme really improves things a whole lot. The kindergarten version of the boy Jesus certainly appears nicer and gentler, and certainly a lot eco-friendlier. But he seems to live in a cartoon world where even the bugs are cute and friendly, and the animals interact like human caricatures. And he certainly has no worries.
Here’s a revolutionary idea: why not teach the real thing? Why not teach the biblical Jesus rather than either of the fictional ones? The biblical one is a lot more interesting and might even keep both kids and adults awake. He certainly doesn’t sit around letting bugs crawl on him while making sure he doesn’t hurt the grass. And unlike The Infancy Gospel, the real Jesus reflects what God is actually like. He never curses people in order to kill them. But unlike the kindergarten lesson, he is not always kind to the plant life. Once, to make a point, he cursed a fig tree so that it died (Matt. 21:18-22; Mk. 11:12-14, 20-25). If that disturbs our reality a little, maybe that’s why he did it. Maybe I’m just reflecting my own immature male tendencies when I was little. But cursing a fig tree to death sounds like a lot more fun than making sure the grass doesn’t receive injury.
Furthermore, contrary to popular fiction, Jesus did not always talk nicely to people. The kindergarten lesson concludes by saying, “Everyone was happier when Jesus was around.” Now on a certain level that is a true statement and I don’t want to teach our kids to do the opposite. It’s good to make people happy. But where is the reality in this Jesus fiction? Were people always happy around Jesus? Are you kidding? Just ask certain teachers of the law, some of the Pharisees and the temple accountants whose money tables were overturned. The real Jesus could be a real pain. He was no wimpy kindergarten ideal of sitting still, talking nice and minding your own business. He had personality. He had guts. And he had a mission to challenge the status quo. It may be a good idea, at least in kindergarten, to emphasize that the boy Jesus was obedient to his parents. But even at a young age, he was conscious of his Father’s business. He had a mission far bigger than not stepping on flowers and making everyone feel happy all the time.
Perhaps we should be careful how we tell this to our kids, but sometimes Jesus could be downright sarcastic. When told that Herod might not like him disturbing things in the Galilean territory Jesus said, “Go and tell that fox for me, ‘Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work. Yet today, tomorrow, and the next day I must be on my way, because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed outside of Jerusalem’” (Lk. 13:32, 33).
“Tell that fox… because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed outside of Jerusalem.” The words drip with irony, sarcasm, wit and of course, an accurate assessment of the evil he was up against. Jesus was a good person. And he was a real person. He also had a problem with authority; especially that which had a reputation for killing prophets. So, he occasionally resorted to cutting sarcasm.
I want to support our kindergarten teachers. And even if I don’t sound like it here, I appreciate the creative efforts of those who put the lessons together. I’m not against a creative telling of the gospel. I’ve used a little Jesus fiction myself on occasion. But good fiction must always tell the truth. It must give an account of life as it really is even if the actual story remains a creative construction. Jesus did just that when he told his parables. The motive behind the kindergarten lesson remains laudable. We need to introduce Jesus to our young ones in a way that speaks to their reality. I just find it amusing and a little troubling that we can’t seem to talk about the real Jesus. It makes me wonder if we adults actually know him.
