“Whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
The shame trap is deadly. It’s that moment when you realize you will betray your best self in order to maintain a friendship, avoid a divorce, keep a job, deflect criticism, keep the peace, or just get through an implicitly hostile social situation. It’s when you decide you have to abandon your own self worth and the value of your own conscience. You don’t just pretend to be someone you’re not. You also despise your real self for trying to be a person you cannot respect. If you find yourself in the shame trap, take heart. We’ve all been there. And Jesus understands.
There is a big difference between shame and guilt. To be guilty of something means you did something wrong. You made a mistake, broke the law, hurt someone, or had a lapse in judgment. It’s a violation for which you must pay the consequences, make reparations, or otherwise try to correct the wrong.
Shame, however, is different. To be shamed, or to feel ashamed implies a significant loss of personal value. To be completely shamed means there is no way back. It feels terminal. Which is why self-destructive behavior usually follows. And although other people can try to make you feel ashamed. Real shame is an inside job. It means you agree with all the negative assessments about yourself. You didn’t just do something bad. You believe you are bad. And ultimately you hate yourself.
The Pharisees who opposed Jesus were good at dishing out the shame. Usually this was done in connection with the law. For them it was never as simple as breaking a law and then asking for forgiveness. When someone broke a law, such as the Sabbath law, for example, it was indicative that the person belonged to a group called “sinners.” Sinners, as a group were shamed. They were by definition not part of the kingdom. One should not associate with sinners. Sinners were not to be valued. They deserved to be shamed publicly and in perpetuity.
Luke describes how Jesus was invited to eat with Pharisees from time to time. Three times, in the book of Luke, chapters 7, 11, and 14, Jesus has to endure a meal with a judgmental and critical host. Chapter 11 describes Jesus being judged for not doing the ceremonial washing of hands before eating. Chapter 14 tells about a confrontation over whether Jesus should heal someone on the Sabbath. And chapter 7 tells this story.
As Jesus reclines at a table, an uninvited woman comes into the room. No one notices her at first. Simon, the Pharisee who is hosting this meal, finally recognizes the woman as one well known in the city as a “sinner.” Luke does not explain why she was called a sinner. Of course, the obvious implication is that she has a bad reputation. She is living in a perpetual state of shame, not just because of something she did, but for who she is. She could have been a prostitute at one time. Or she may have made a mistake for which she has been shamed ever since.
The amazing thing about this woman, however, is that she has not come to be forgiven by Jesus. She has come because she is grateful that she is already forgiven! How is this possible? Luke gives us a hint a few verses earlier when he says that all the people and even the tax collectors had been baptized by John. But the Pharisees had rejected the message and baptism of John.
So, the woman standing behind Jesus, being silently judged by Simon the Pharisee, must have experienced the forgiveness of God through the ministry of John. And she was now in the room overwhelmed with gratefulness for the messiah that John had announced.
As she stands silently at Jesus’ feet, tears start flowing down her face. These are not tears of shame and despair. These are not tears of guilt and remorse. These are tears of overwhelming gratitude and love for the one sent by God. She has been delivered from her life of guilt and shame. She may have to endure the looks of disdain and judgment by people like Simon. But in Jesus’ presence she is feels nothing but love and mercy.
This is what faith is. It is the experience in real life of God’s love, even when others around you try to pull you down. It is the conviction over against all the self-appointed judges, critics, bible teachers, and religious officials that you belong to Christ, that you are blessed, forgiven, and worthy of love. Jesus shows this woman of faith that she can reject shame, that her guilt has been taken care of, and that her love actually means something to him!
The woman looks down and notices that her tears have soaked Jesus’ feet. She had not intended for this to happen. She feels embarrassed so, having nothing else at hand, she uncovers her head and takes her hair down, a scandalous gesture in mixed company, and wipes Jesus’ feet with her hair. She had brought an alabaster box with perfumed anointing oil in it. It was the type of thing kings were anointed with, although always on the head. But she can’t reach Jesus’ head. And she’s still wiping her tears with her hair and with her head shamefully uncovered. So, she anoints Jesus’ feet with the perfumed oil. And the air thick with tension is instantly filled with an expensive aroma, and the awkward silence is broken only by her grateful, and embarrassed sobs.
Simon looks almost pleased. A smug smile begins to pull the corners of his mouth slightly upward while his eyes remain hostile. He is thinking to himself about all the popular talk of Jesus being a prophet. And now, here, right in front of him, is all the proof he needs to disprove the popular opinion. If Jesus were a true prophet, he would know without being told what kind of woman this is. And he would never, ever, allow a woman like this, to touch him like that!
What a perverse and wonderful turn of events! Simon thought. Just when he thought he could never successfully match wits with Jesus, this sinful woman had given him just the edge he needed. With a fake smile of sympathy on his face, Simon continues to revel inwardly in his good fortune.
Suddenly, Jesus turns, not to the woman, but to Simon. I have something to say to you Simon. Now the tables have turned. The teacher is about to be schooled. The Pharisee’s mind has been read by the one who was supposedly not prophetic enough to know a sinful woman when he saw one.
Simon, the teacher, has no choice but to acknowledge Jesus as his teacher now. Speak, teacher, he says. But instead of a verbal take down, or a barrage of righteous indignation, which Simon probably expects, Jesus starts telling a story.
A man was owed money by two different people. The first owed him an amount worth 500 days of wages. The second owed him just 50 days of wages. But neither one could pay his debt. So, the man forgave both of them. Now, tell me, Simon. Who of the two debtors will be the most grateful and love the most?
Simon knows he has to say something or he’ll look silly and helpless. So reluctantly, he says, “I suppose the one who was forgiven the most.”
Jesus compliments him saying, you have judged correctly! Then, still talking to Simon, Jesus rises up from his reclining position and turns toward the woman for the first time.
44… Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”
48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”
49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?”
50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”Luke 7:44-50.
Is there love and life after guilt? With Jesus, there always is. But let’s look at this story a little more. Let’s savor the message of forgiveness, gratefulness, and love.
The strange thing about this story is that unlike other stories in the Gospels, this person here is not coming to Jesus in order to be forgiven or healed. She comes because she is grateful for being forgiven already! There is no word in Greek that is used exclusively for gratefulness. Being “thankful” is slightly different in meaning and there is a Greek word for that. But in this passage, Luke uses the familiar word for unconditional love, “agape,” to describe the woman’s attitude toward Jesus. Because this love is in response to being forgiven, the context demands that we interpret this word as “grateful,” or “grateful love.”
The other strange thing about this is that it’s a story about Jesus telling a story. It’s a story within a story. And the story Jesus tells frustrates anyone trying to reduce salvation to a formula. Obviously, Jesus frustrates Simon because when the Pharisee admits that the one who is forgiven the most, loves the most, it turns his world view upside down. In his smug view of himself as superior to a sinful woman, he now has to admit that he is inferior. After all, if he’s so perfect, and doesn’t need forgiveness, he can’t be grateful or have much love. So, when he reluctantly agreed that the one who was forgiven the most, loves the most, he was also agreeing that because of her great love, this sinful woman was now his superior. The only alternative, was to believe that in reality he needed forgiveness just as much as the woman did!
I think what Jesus was doing was poking holes in all of our feeble attempts to reduce salvation to human logic—especially the kind of logic that puts legal requirements on God, defining when God can or cannot forgive. Does God have to have a legal reason to forgive? If so, doesn’t that make him a legalist? And if someone pays for your pardon, is that really forgiveness?
Early in Adventist experience, even in some of the early thinking of Ellen White, God was seen as someone who was practically a slave to his own law. Even if he wanted to save human beings – which he apparently didn’t – he couldn’t because of the law. But, according to this 19thcentury way of thinking, Jesus could talk God into forgiving humans. But he would have to die, pay the price, and then plead with the father to forgive on account of the blood that he shed on the cross. Later in Adventist thought, God was seen as suffering with his Son, and that the Father himself loves sinners and does not have to be talked into forgiving us.
Luke knows nothing of a God who needs to be talked into or paid off in order to forgive anyone. He presents a sinful woman who comes to Jesus out of gratefulness because she has already been forgiven by God! And that simple truth undermines any attempt to reduce salvation to a formula or a collection of proof texts. God forgives because he wants to, not because he has to. The cross demonstrated that God already “so loved the world.”
And of course, we must not forget that Jesus, in this story, obliterates all of our claims to spiritual superiority. There is no spiritual hierarchy in the kingdom or even at Simon’s table. Such is a shame game anyway. Simon has to admit that the shame trap he set for Jesus has failed. For if he assumes superiority or perfection, he has to admit to having less love, which even he realizes is not good! And if he claims more love, he has to admit that he needed forgiving. And that never feels good to a perfectionist. Such is our predicament also! There is no advantage to being anything, accept close to Jesus.
But best of all, this story shows the tender, emotional, caring, compassionate and human side of God. And with that it shows a woman who has genuine love and gratefulness for just being in the same room with Jesus. She’s not desperate to be forgiven. She just wants to show the love that has been awakened in her by the love of God.
If we can identify with this woman at all, and it’s not hard if we’re honest with ourselves, then we can also hear Jesus saying to us: “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”
